Sunday, January 2, 2011

Can you buy athleticism?

What's the deal? I bought the matchy-matchy running pants and zip up jacket from the Gap. Did the whole new shoe after Christmas sale. Even switched up from my yearly Asic IGS running shoe and went with Mizuno. Both shoes have a wider toe box for my Fred Flinstone feet. I have more Groupons for yoga, pilates, pole dancing classes than paper in my printer. So, where's my skinny ass? My toned arms? My flat stomach? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

I feel that if I am putting in the effort to purchase these things, then I should get some "athletic" body points. Heading to the mall with two kids is no Haagen daz food court picnic my friend. There is a sweat to be busting. Ideally, I am looking for a pound to dollar purchase trade off. If I spend 10 bucks then I should have some sort of reduction of weight or inches toned equal to dollars spent ($10 = 10 lbs or 10 inches).

Yes, I know that you can purchase liposuction or implants but I don't want those. I want to BE one of those girls in the Title Nine/Athleta catalogs. Muscles ripped, some crazy yoga pose, scaling a small mountain. Only problem is I'd just like to do these things from the comfort of my own couch. Too much to ask? Eh.

Lazy couch potato just doesn't have the flair that it used to. When did sweat become the new black? We can put cheese in a spray can, why not skinny?

I just want my can of skinny.

5 comments:

  1. I want my can of skinny too!!!! Actually how about a bottle of reisling flavored skinny?

    thanks for making me laugh tonight....*she says as she sighs & heads to the kitchen for a snack*

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  2. "When did sweat become the new black?" Love that. My sigh is no one warned me about pre-menopausal metabolism, or rather they DID and I thought it was a lame excuse. Sadly there is no isometric toning from refraining from hitting the skinny 30-somethings.

    Plus I mock the people at the gym who are all matchy-matchy. Trying too hard. Save the money.

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  3. Love this, Kirstan!

    If you are interested in a thought from someone who is now fairly athletic, but who used to be laughed at for even entertaining thoughts of such stuff, here goes: Start slow. Way slower than you think you should. Most people who don't find success getting/staying in shape, fail because they take on too much too soon. Itty bitty baby steps are the way to go! But once you get really good and started -- like 3-4 months in -- there will be no stopping you! :)

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  4. I like your thinking! I'm surprised buying the Groupons alone has't done it for you. Maybe you need a special code word or something?

    I have similar thoughts about organization. If I read the article about becoming super organized with filing, shelving, etc., and look *closely* at the beautiful photos, shouldn't things become whipped into shape around here without my having to put in even *more* work? Please solve this problem in your next blog post. TIA.

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  5. Nancy, I am telling you matchy-matchy is like Garanimals for lazy folk.

    Stacy, you've been in my kitchen, you know there is nothing worth forging for.

    Laurie,I may need you to write me out a baby steps plan.

    Amy, totally get you on the organization. I'd need to jump back on the Concerta highway for it to have any sort of a chance in my house.

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